Ready to fade

Every day I wake up wishing I were dead
I barely have the energy left to get out of bed
The next hardest task is to exit the gate
Every day I'm in a rush, every day I'm gonna be late

Every step I take reminds me about my fate
Majority of the people I met were full of hate
They gave me a hand to help while holding a blade
Every step means nothing, like the promises they made

Every time I see a happy family, I wish I could relate
I have no food for tonight, I'm still not getting paid
Been days with no money, all I could do is wait
Every time life gives me lemon but I'm tired of lemonade

Every effort turns into a failure. Not a very good trade
Grass is greener on the other side, another masquerade
If someone can hear me screaming, it's too late I'm afraid
Every effort I wish it would be my last. I'm ready to fade

A test of mine

“At this age, a partner you have to find”
By someone's word
By the looks of it
The right one may come when the stars align

“You’re old, you're running out of time”
“Try to lose weight”
“Try to look nice”
But I’m in a dark place where no light can shine

Broken trusts, thousand pieces shattered so fine
My fragile heart
My gullible self
Keeps falling for the littlest sign

Will love ever reach me at the end of the line
My average looks
My quirky traits
Maybe I need an intervention from the divine

It's all in the media, it's a social paradigm
By everyone's word
By the looks of it
A struggle I'm facing, a test of mine

Life's Exhibition

I've been walking this road alone. Out of breath, out of motivation 
Another day of self-harming, slowly becoming an addiction
I no longer feel the pain. I no longer have any reaction
And I no longer feel the need to find the right direction

Been looking for a safe space but I keep getting the wrong attention
Fake people around me trying to be part of my life's exhibition
Acted like they care with intentions that are textbook fiction
Affecting my mental state severely with all the unneeded tension

No one can handle the mess in my head, so much complication
No one seems to understand me and I know I'm bad at communication
Only a few that genuinely helped me in every difficult situation
Yet life still decided to add more lemons and a zest of explosion

More addition of the subtraction, zero multiplication for every conclusion
27 years of living hell, nothing makes sense in this equation
I tried dividing my steps and finally found the simplest solution
Someone help pull the plug for me and end this simulation